Know Your Intentions

Knowing yourself requires understanding your intentions. All of us have certain intentions about what we want to achieve. Our intentions may be conscious or unconscious. We may think we are doing things for one reason when we really are doing them for another, unconscious reason. Most nurses and people in the helping professions choose their professions because they want to help others. They try to think about what others would like, and do it for them. They generally enjoy doing for others. Yet, they are sometimes hurt if people don't appreciate what they do for them. They begin to feel that ungrateful people are hurtful and insensitive. They may be constantly looking for people that appreciate them.

As nurses become more conscious of such issues, they realize that their motivations are not only about helping people. Helping people is a behavior they may have had ingrained in them as children and that continued to be a way for them to feel good about themselves. This sometimes leads, however, to overdoing things and being more helpful then they really want to be. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to stop being excessively helpful because being helpful, for many nurses, is a method they have learned for staying safe. The promise of safety can be a powerful motivator to be good and to look good to others. Because helping others is the only way that some nurses know to please others, it becomes a compulsion. The reality is that everyone has experienced a time in their lives, whether they remember it or not, when they felt unloved and, hence, unlovable. The unfortunate thing is that people believe that they weren't loved because they did something wrong or because there is something bad about them.

It is hard to face the fact that everyone, including ourselves, does bad things, and that this doesn't necessarily make us bad as well. We do bad things because we are human. We often take it personally when someone does something that hurts us. The reality is that when someone is hurtful, it’s not about us. It says nothing about us or our relationship with that person. It only says that that person is human. You may choose to stay away from that person if it's possible—that, of course, is your choice. But, whether you avoid the person or not, you may want to face the underlying original pain that created your reaction of hurt.



Let me explain why we may not understand our own intentions, much less those of someone else. Our words and actions come from three places of intent. We all want to look good, so we create an image of ourselves that we want the world to see. The view of ourselves that we want to see is called our masked self. The sole mission of our masked self is to look good. Relying on this part of ourselves, we would only befriend people that see us as a good people. If someone doesn’t see us as good, we want to eliminate him or her from our circle of friends. Our masked self is only interested in impressing everyone with our goodness. We don’t care about the impact on others. We only care about what’s in it for us. At first, you may think that this doesn’t apply to you. However, we can easily deceive ourselves about our own motivations, so don’t discount this too soon.

The second part of us is our negative self. This is the part of us that lashes out at others if we don’t get what we want. This is the part of me that only my husband knows for sure. It is usually the people that are closest to us that we lash out at when we don’t like how they see us. From this lower part of us, we will attack anyone that doesn’t maintain our masked image.

The third part of us is our higher self. This is the part of us that can accept imperfection. It accepts our own imperfections, and it accepts those of others. We don’t have to judge ourselves or others because we accept how difficult it is to overcome many of the perspectives we learned from childhood. We realize that each of us has had difficulties and elders who methodically taught us to view life a certain way. We can forgive others their weaknesses when we forgive ourselves for our own. Getting back in touch with your higher self when someone hurts you will help you be objective.

When you respond from your higher self, you are more likely to get your point across. You will reduce the likelihood of the listener resisting. You can be clear. If fear overcomes you, you will have difficulty staying in touch with your higher self. To increase your success, take some time to understanding what is creating your fear and bring yourself back to your higher will. Take time to visualize being successful before you proceed further.

To learn more about how to improve your work environment, contact Doris Young at 800.673.8005 or at Doris@DorisYoungAssociates.com.